can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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