we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
