Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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