Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
