sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
