So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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