he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
