theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
