my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just found puke in my bra..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
