Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
