Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize