I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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