It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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