just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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