We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
