I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
