Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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