tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
