we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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