my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
