I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
