Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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