The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
