Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A+ Viking dick
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