Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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