Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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