Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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