Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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