so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
