Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
