Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
