Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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