Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
