I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
