I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
