please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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