I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
