Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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