The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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