Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this will be a night to untag.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
