also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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