first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize