just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
