plz talk dirty to me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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