Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
