im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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