I think I just saw someone hide a body.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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