I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
