I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
