if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
