TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I will be naked everywhere
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
