I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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