WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize