I hate all girls vehemently.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
