Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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