I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
