This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
