i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
