eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
