I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she pinky promised me she was 18
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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