Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
