Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
