Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
