Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
