So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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