A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize