Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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