this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
