she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
