I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I supernannyed him into submission
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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