I cockslap morals
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
