Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
