look no pants
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
