WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
