This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
