Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
