I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
