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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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