I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
