and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We're too hungover to prance.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
