Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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