I cannot find my penis.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
