Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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