Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize