Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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