At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
