I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
