He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
