now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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