Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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