My friends, they love my intelligence
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
