I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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